Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Jeffrey Campbell is a drunk - the countdown edition

There is something I have never understood about Jeffrey Campbell shoes - how are they often so lovely, and so wearable, and just as often completely awful mangled shoebeasts covered in studs?

"Please kill me"

My only conclusion is that everyone who works there steadily drinks though the day. In the morning when everyone is sober, your run of the mill, pretty average but not awful, shoes are designed.

At about lunchtime, everyone is at that inspired stage of being drunk - its the point at which you're usually your wittiest, you're still a good dancer, and your brain is just nice and loosey-goosey and the ideas are flowing freely. Interesting and well designed shoes overfloweth, innovative design abounds.

By the afternoon is when all hell breaks loose. Trends are mixed with wild abandon, different materials and concepts are chewed up and vomited out into a weird rainbow mess that apparently consumers are meant to put on their feet.

So here are my top ten best and top ten worst Jeffrey Campbell shoes.


Well balanced, good use of clear plastic, not even stupidly high.

Sporty, coloured but not too colourful, good solid heel.

Real cute, very Britpack. Great toe shape, awesome curved heel. Want this as my winter boot this season!
Classic little oxford shoe in a cute summer colour. 


Simple two strap shape, well balanced with an on-trend ombre perspex heel.

Cute Erdem-esque print, solid chunky well balanced shape.

Man style done really well. Great toe detail, reminds me of Givenchy "gills".

'I Confess'

I can see how someone might hate this one, but I think its a statement shoe done quite well. Curved heel and the check pattern are great - the red straps are absolutely toeing the line of "too many trends" but since it stops short, these shoes are a winner in my book.

'Miss You'
Two things that I think are great - chunky schoolgirl soles, and cutout oxford shoes. Excellent combo. See? You only need TWO TRENDS. You don't have to drive a truckload of runway looks up to the shoe and dump them all over it.

I know little boots like this have been done to death but I really like this pattern and colour.


I want to melt this shoe down into a rainbow plastic studded goo and feed it to a cat I don't like that scratched me one time.

This shoe was born when a bad motel couch got sent to hell for being too ugly and dipped itself into a lake of gold hellfire.

This is actually a great shoe for sports like sinking, running from angry villagers with burning torches, and candy cane polo.

"Hey, you got peanut butter on my comic book!"

"You got comic book on my peanut butter!"




 And to think 3 baby leopards and a baby robot died to make this monstrosity.

 Cons - requires regular grooming. Pros - an excellent family pet

 This shoe reminds me of terrible MySpace profiles of terrible scene girls - all pink and black and layed out really badly and noisy and awful.

Looking at this is giving me limes disease.


Just look at the blue bit - it looks like a little blue man is trying to escape from the rest of the shoe. I don't blame him.

x Maddy

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